The Dual Process Model

Margaret Stoebe and Henk Schut published their Dual Process Model of Grief in the mid-90s and in doing so, provided a novel way of understanding the grieving process. They challenged the idea of grief being something that we should 'work through’, in a head-on manner whilst bravely facing the pain. Instead, their theory suggests that a healthy, and moreover vital part of grieving, is to spend some of our time not thinking about it.

Does this scenario ring a bell? You are at home alone thinking about your loss, you are feeling distressed and disorientated, and then your phone rings. You gather yourself, take a deep breath and answer the phone. You manage to have a perfectly normal conversation with the person on the other end, who may have no idea that moments earlier you were sobbing uncontrollably. And so it follows, that the early days and months of grief can go on in this way - at times feeling bereft, and at other times largely able to function in the way we always have done. This is entirely natural, and when we enquire how our clients have been since we last spoke with them, the most common reply is "good days, bad days - up and down".

The Dual Process Model understands this roller-coaster of grief as being due to the fact that we are simultaneously dealing with two quite distinct processes at once -loss-oriented responses and restoration-orientation responses. Loss orientated responses focus on the loss we have experienced - so this is us remembering the person who has died, perhaps yearning for their return, or looking at photographs; in other words, doing any of the things that can so quickly bring tears to our eyes. Restoration-orientation responses, by contrast include our efforts to cope with our new way of life, as well as carrying out daily tasks such as cooking and household chores.

Here is the important part of this model, Stroebe and Schut propose that we move back and forth (oscillate) between these two ways of being (see image below), at times focusing on the loss and then briefly avoiding the pain of the loss by undertaking daily chores, work, or losing ourselves in a film or book

The Dual Process Model explains the dynamic nature of grief, and why so many clients say they can be fine one minute and then crying uncontrollably the next - this is oscillation in action. Give yourself permission to experience both modes of coping, because this will help you maintain emotional balance. Make sure you give yourself time to express your grief, as well as periods where you simply try to live your life. In the early days of grief, you are likely to spend most of your time in loss-orientation, spending only fleeting moments focusing on the future. However, this balance will usually shift over time, and you will spend more time in restoration-orientation, with occasional times of swinging back to the loss - perhaps when expected (anniversaries, birthdays), but also at moments when the loss may unexpectedly wash over us again, as we hear a song on the radio.

Stoebe and Schut point to the need for this oscillation, by explaining that if we simply spent all of our time in loss-orientation, we would become emotionally over-wrought and be unable to function, and if we spent all of our time in restoration-orientation, this would equate to us trying to push away or avoid thoughts of our loss. Whilst ‘grief avoidance’ is something that people may use as a coping strategy after a loss, we know that this is always a short-term solution. Grief will patiently wait until it can present itself at a later date.

With this theory, balance is key to healthy grieving, and respite from grief is immensely important. Therefore, please do not feel guilty if you lose yourself in a film or go out for coffee with a friend. It is not a reflection of your grief diminishing, or that you are forgetting your loved-one. Rather it signals that you understand the process of grief, you understand that to grieve effectively you must have occasional breaks from the emotional intensity that comes with it.

If you are grieving at the moment, we send you our warmest regards and hope this blog can help you better understand some of the experiences you may be going through.

Reference: Schut, M., Stroebe, H. "The dual process model of coping with bereavement: Rationale and description." Death studies 23.3 (1999): 197-224.